Why do i have this feeling in me?

Reached church early. Talked to Valerie & Yvonne. Even though there isn’t much things to say. Most of the topic is on Val. Ah yi reached church, asked me “Why you wear this today?” I was saying that later I going to Jin Wang’s sis bday party. Time passed by very quickly. Teens having their movie. I suppose to go off with Jin Wang to meet Patrick but Valerie hope that we can stay. I went to talk to Jin Wang and very fast Jin Wang already said ok. I know is not because of me or is my reward to please him. All because of Val. I really jealous! I had been thinking all this while since I know Jin Wang. I don’t understand why my heart is giving me this weird feeling. Every time I see him, I need some time to let him off my mind.

We took cab to the chalet. I was so blurr and unknown to the people there. None of them I know. So which means I got no one to talk to. Patrick trying to keep me feels better. He asked my primary school classmate to talk to me. Even though she is my classmate, we have not contact for a long time, so I still feel weird.

After the birthday cake was blown, most of them had to go back home. The day was getting to the end. Patrick & Jin Wang decided to swim, while I waiting for my dad call. I took Jin Wang hp, asked him permission, and look at his msg. The feeling of jealous came again. Didn’t read the entire msg and soon my dad called.

Reached home, went to bath. But my mind never stops flashing on Jin Wang. Heart can feel the hurting. I don’t know why do I feel this way. I don’t dare to tell anyone as people know my stead is Patrick. Sms Jin Wang to hope that some encourage words from him. To my disappointment, he didn’t. I know I am neither pretty nor cute. Suddenly, I took my phone and called Valerie. I trying to disturb her with some jokes but I didn’t. I have no courage to do that. Talked for a few seconds, we hang up. I think it is time for me to sleep, went to my bed. Tears went down, started to cry. My heart really feels like crying. The bitter feeling really make me feel difficult to breathe. Didn’t sleep well the whole night.

Who can tell me "Why" do i have this feeling in me? And this feeling came right after the youth camp.